getting ready.

For work. At the piano store.

I have to open, and I may totally, 100% be late.

In the meantime, I'll be your mirror.

Read more...

you can't shit in this house.

son of a bitch.

see: everything I gave up when I decided to move out of my apartment.

Read more...

flashbacks.

I'm finding more and more recently that I am having visions of embarrassing moments in my past. It's kind of funny, they are moments that should be a part of any childhood, but I have found that I am particularly ashamed of them. Most of them are from fifth grade, which was a year I was growing more awkwardly toward puberty and a need of acceptance among my peers. That was the year I began to notice I did not fit in, and I'd mark it as my downfall, socially.

My teacher in fifth grade did not like me, which was tough, because my two best friends were his class favorites. I felt like I was picked on often, being not as pretty or well-spoken as the two. I just hadn't let myself mature. They would tell stories from their lives during educational classroom discussions, and when I would attempt to do the same, while striking laughter from some of my student counterparts, I was admonished by the teacher for changing the subject.

There was one good thing about fifth grade, though. Because I did not excel socially, I was pretty frustrated most of the time. I spent everyday doing the typing programs, trying harder and harder to increase my speed. At age eleven, I was typing nearly 130 words per minute. I found solace in patterns and repetition. I guess that would explain my desperate need to play Bach on my mandolin, almost every time I feel like I am losing it.

Fifth grade was an interesting year. Also, Mr. Gerstel, now that I am 21, I can say you were a pretty shitty teacher, and remain unbiased. You suck.

Read more...

finances and music.

I just sent in 1/10th of my school payment and paid off my credit card entirely, for the first time.

I woke up today and decided to be more responsible. I guess it feels nice, but, like, I have zero dollars now. Maybe just enough for gas to work for the next two weeks and a pack of cigarettes a day.

Too bad I'm going to have to use my credit card for more school books, but it felt good to just pay that sucker off.

My parents got me a small spinet for free. It's severely out of tune and one of the lower C keys sticks (who needs C?) but that's OK. I've been learning my minuets on it. It'll do for a year or so.

Music writing itself has gone down. A large break is being taken what with school and work taking over my entire life. I can't wait for winter break, perhaps by then I'll be good and filled with inner turmoil to spew on the page.

Read more...